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katallasso910
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Name: Katallasso
Country: Ivory Coast
Gender: Female
Interests: reading, reading and reading. watching Lost, Ugly Betty and the Office religiously. eating. going to church. loving God (or at least trying to) and His people. going to work. cooking (or at least attempting to). laughing. and singing (or at least attempting to). last but not least, taking care of my little fat cat.
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Member Since:
2/1/2004
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| I feel completely nauseous. I understand that this is my first entry back since August. But given my current predicament of flu ridden, I am completely consumed with this feeling of wanting to throw up. I feel sick and spent a good portion of the day in the john, throwing up. but it's not going away. you would think that after throwing up, you would feel a sense of relief. but unfortunately, no relief. there's this girl that i babysit who sings a perfect little song which goes like this "Clean up, clean up, everybody, everybody everywhere. Clean up, clean up, everybody do their share." As I stuck feeling this nauseated feeling and my thoughts scrambled the song "Throw up, Throw up, on everybody, everywhere". I hate this feeling.
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| I am really thankful for my brothers. As we sent Ben off to school, I couldn't help but feel a little sad as I remembered growing up and beating up my brothers. There are so many stories and memories of them...I am so thankful that God gave them to me as brothers. I am really blessed to have them challenge me and really be there for me through the fun times and the crying times. Waking up to the sound of my brothers yelling and fighting or running around the house, trying to beat each up for "fun", or waking up to the sound of gunshots at 3am as I realize that they are playing their stupid little video game "Halo". or Waking up to the sound of my cat, screaming as they are both chasing it down, trying to make my cat "friendlier". Sure I wanted to strangle them with my bare hand-I had to restrain myself from killing them but through it all, there is alot of thick love between the punches, the yelling, the laughing, the joking, the teasing, the games, the movies, the girls, the boys, God the whole lot of what sibling-hood really is.
Ben and Me. I think we look alike.It's the glasses I think.
Ben and John.They kind of look alike. Not really.
His church friends here, coming over 12am to say their final goodbyes and hugs (as if they were orphans and had no parents to teach them proper respect that they can't just come over or call whenever they want to.) (i am going to be a Type A mother)
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| A friend and I were talking about the topic of injustice and why it seemed like sometimes people got away with their "crimes". It seems so unfair...or worse it seems like God had glossed over their wrong doings and yet dealt harshly towards us for our sins. Or worse, these people seem to be praised and honored by others and many of them continue to do what they have been doing for years. The sins of some men are obvious, reaching the place of judgment ahead of them; the sins of others trail behind them. In the same way, good deeds are obvious, and even those that are not cannot be hidden. 1 Timothy 5:24-25. I came across this verse and it really encouraged me. Not because there was something in it for me but that God is who God says He is. He is just and His word is true. We will reap what we sow. Ditto. There is no way around this. God's law is not muted by circumstances, culture, people and life. It is what it is.
The hardest thing I find myself struggling with is as follows: Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men's hearts. 1 Corinthians 4:5. While there is rejoicing in God's justice-how do I stop myself from judging in the meantime? This is the crucial step where we often stumble on. We revel in God's justice and in the same breath, we mutter "Man, do you have it coming!" I find myself needing to repent of my pride, my "sense" or standard of justice and my lack of love for the offender. I think this is where the verse "Love your enemies" and "Pray for your enemies". More so than it heaping burning coals on their heads, loving your enemies is really a "You" process. As you are praying for your "enemies", God changes your character, your soul, your heart-replacing your heart with His heart.
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| What then?
A friend and I were discussing the latest tide of events in our lives. We each had a separate standard of what hitting the bottom was. and in our current situation and circumstances, the both of us have realized that some of the very things we feared the most had occurred in our lives. We wondered out loud as to why God would allow the "bottoms" to fall out from under us.
Recently, I have had a series of events in which I was sorely tested and I admit, I am still working through. As I have been coming to God about these things, sometimes so numb and other times so defeated and discouraged-I have come to the conclusion that maybe God allows our "bottoms to fall out" for a reason-so that we would throw ourselves into His arms and cling to Him instead of our fears.
I will be the first to admit that I am easily motivated and driven by fear. Perhaps it is the Asian mentality-we do this to prevent this or that; we study hard to get into a good college to get a good job to have a good financially stable life so on and so forth. we make good decisions so that "bad things" don't come to us. We pre-plan to avoid or minimize the pain, the damage, hurt, etc. But there was no rhyme or reason as to why some of these things have been happened. But they happened.
As I have been trying to make sense of these things, part of the frustration is that there is no defined answer as to why. Only who. Surrendering these feelings of confusion, of fear, of the actual situations themselves to my Creater, my Lord who was and still is in control.
These days, I wake up in the mornings and I can sense God all around me, covering me with His wings of love..the strength of his love most evident when I throw myself into His tender mercy with wild abandon. In that moment, there are no questions nor fears, the bottom is removed and I find myself caught and held lovingly and firmly in His Sovereign Grip.
No king is saved by the size of his army; no warrior escapes by his great strength.A horse is a vain hope for deliverance; despite all its great strength it cannot save. But the eyes of the LORD are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine. We wait in hope for the LORD; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, O LORD, even as we put our hope in you. Psalm 33:16-22
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| During my grandmother's passing, I spent time with my mother's relatives...I learned alot about myself and my family and God. As I watched my family interact with one another, I came to several conclusions on how my mom became who she became and how I became who I am today. I went to a Buddhist temple, a magnificent piece of Chinese architecture. As I stepped in and observe the ceremonies within, I jotted down some things in my notebook that I learned.
1) I am currently reading through the OT. After being in this temple, I understand why the Israelites were reluctant to cut down the temples, the altars, the Asheroth poles. I found myself amazed at the grandeur and artistic beauty of the temple despite knowing fully well that it was paying tribute to something not God. People had used their giftings and talents and invested it heavily into this place. It made me think of the things not of God that I had invested in, that I was unwilling to "cut off" in its entirety.
2) During the ceremonies, there was repetitive melodious chanting for about 2 hours. People were kow-towing, sitting, standing, praying all in uniform trying to create an intimate connection with their god and with their community of participants. I can see how as christians, we too, can "chant" our spiritual lives but going to church, prayer meetings, bible studies, caught up in the motion of things, forgetting that our God is a God that initiates deep intimacy, always wanting a deeper relationship with us, that we cannot honor Him with just our lip service and good works but He demands not just full glory and honor but the whole of our hearts as well. We, as his created tend to be such partial, half hearted creatures.
3) Another thing that was pretty interesting to observe was the deep respect many of the monks and people there had for their god. It made me think how often we mistaken our intimacy with God with the right to approach Him in a careless manner. I forget that He is holy and perfect and I can admit more often than not, I treat God with less respect, moving Him down my list of priorities when it's convenient for me.
My mom and our relatives
My grandmother's sister and her husband.
My mom and her cousin
Auntie Marianne and me
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